Men - You can live longer

I have read that the act of being in a happy and loving relationship is just as important to your well-being as exercise and diet. This is especially true for men. So, in addition to physically working-out, you should consider working-out your relationship - you will live longer and be happier for it.

Working on your marriage can take your relationship to a higher level of happiness and commitment. Couples that acknowledge and embrace normal stress, brought about by typical ups and downs of a marriage, can actually minimize or even alleviate tension if they come together as a team to strategize and problem-solve. Normal relationship stress might include a job change, a parent getting sick and/or dying, moving, or having a baby. Ignoring tension and difficulties can actually increase stress. Attempting to problem-solve, without including your spouse, can layer-on anxiety and resentment to an already tense situation. Working to avoid, manage, or overcome stress as a couple, will enhance and refine your communication skills providing for a foundation to withstand and overcome the burden of life changes by being more proactive and less reactive in your relationship. Moderately stressful situations, that have the potential to tear you and your partner apart, are truly lessons that teach you how to manage large and complex situations as a team while enhancing and strengthening your marriage.

So how do you become a more proactive participant in your relationship? The three Ps. Practice, Practice, Practice. No that doesn’t mean quit your job to simulate the relationship pressures of life. It means that tests that occur every day provide practical training on how to embrace your spouse as a true partner. How you handle minor stressful events can provide a blueprint for managing and overcoming overwhelming life obstacles.

Example: I had an issue with a server at a restaurant. My family and I were out to dinner with friends. Everything about my dining experience was unacceptable – the service was poor, the food order was late and incorrectly prepared, even the final bill was improperly tabulated. I did not make a scene about my dissatisfaction with our server at this restaurant publicly. As the manager was not available, I made my opinion known to this server in private. My wife, however, disagreed with my assessment of the service, but she chose not to challenge my approach in front of our friends at dinner. When we were alone, she asked me why I was disappointed with my meal and why I chose to counsel with the server about the situation. I expressed to my wife several very good reasons for my irritation with both the service and food at the restaurant. We discussed the event calmly as a couple and she was able to understand my anger realizing that there were issues she personally did not witness or experience.

Ellen could have made a fuss about my treatment of the server in front of the entire table, but she supported me and asked me about it later. Now when a larger issue occurs, I will draw upon this example established by my wife, trusting her judgment and methods and gathering specifics later.

This situation could have erupted in a public argument if my wife and I had not honed our communication skills with other life events, both good and bad.

We have said many times to married couples that we were ministering, one of the most important abilities a married couple needs to have is effective communication skills. Knowing how to verbalize, listen, and comprehend one another’s circumstances, with trust and respect, can head off any of a number of misunderstandings that can cause a relationship to spiral out of control.

Therefore, if you and your partner know how to communicate effectively, you and your spouse will be able to avoid, manage, and overcome life’s stresses successfully. Having a methodology in dealing with stress, and having an active partner helping you, allows for a healthier way of life, a more fulfilling marriage, and a longer life.