It’s Okay to Agree to Disagree

If you have been following my blog, you have probably realized a few things about me. First, I am a Christian. Second, I always prioritize my family. Furthermore, I am strong-willed, have opinions based on facts, documentations, and earned wisdom. And, I don’t always agree with my husband. I am unapologetic for all the above.

Now, don’t get the wrong impression. My husband and I have shared spiritual beliefs as well as family goals. We also share political point-of-views – at least most of the time. There are rare instances where our perspectives are askew. Perhaps, because I am a female. Possibly, it’s because I’m a mother. Maybe, it’s because I’m left-handed and he’s right dominate. Most likely though, the rationale evolves around empathy. Although he is the father of our daughter and supports her goals and ideals wholeheartedly, he cannot empathize with what it means to be female. He tries and maybe comes close to understanding, but he cannot possibly understand the benefits and pitfalls of having two X chromosomes.

Empathy is somewhat complex as it encompasses understanding what someone is feeling through personal experience. Empathy allows you to “walk in one’s shoes,” achieving a greater understanding of someone’s situation. To have empathy, in my opinion, one has to draw upon life lessons. This includes personal achievements, struggles, and experiences. No matter the breadth of life knowledge, it is impossible to exhibit empathy in every situation, therefore one must utilize sympathy. Simply put, you cannot empathize with a female unless you are one.

So what happens when my husband and I disagree politically? We talk. We both are well-read and informed. We collect our information from a cross-section of references. These include a variety of fact-based credible news sources, both left, right, and in between. Sometimes we exchange articles with each other, via email, that express an opposing opinion with relevant and fact-based conclusions. We are also students of history well-knowing and accepting our greatest lessons come from mistakes and triumphs from our past – as a community, nation, and world.

We also know the US Constitution and Bill of Rights. When our son was in the fourth grade, their teacher at the beginning of the year provided parents a “heads-up” that each student was to memorize the US Constitution, in its entirety, by the end of the year. At Meet the Teachers night, you could hear an audible gasp echo throughout the classroom when she formally announced this assignment. However, week after week, for the next eight months, with the aid of parents, each nine-year-old student would memorize a new section of this fundamental document. Although it was a challenging assignment, both students and parents became competent pupils of the US Constitution. In fact, dinner table conversations would oftentimes center on the current section being studied. Even today, as an adult, my son can still recite most of the US Constitution.

So when someone spews that something is their “Constitutional right” or rather is “unconstitutional,” they are often wrong. Most are repeating the opinions of others that are ill-informed or purposefully give “truth” a strategically biased twist.

Even after exchanging opinions and articles, sometimes the love of my life and myself still disagree. And that’s just fine. As a couple, the foundation of our union is respect. He respects my opinion and I respect his. There is absolutely nothing wrong ethically, spiritually, or romantically with disagreeing with your spouse.

Why is this subject a topic of my blog? Because sometimes when helping couples that are struggling, we have observed that one half of a couple generally determines the opinions of the other. Not influences. Determines. This means in the voting booth too.

I have heard excuses that include:

· “I don’t have time to read,”

· “It’s too unsettling to watch the news,”

· “I don’t know truth from fiction,”

· “I’m not smart enough,”

· “I read and watch what my spouse reads or watches.”

It’s an important time of year. A national election is near. It is time to become involved by creating your own opinion regarding leadership and what are the best decisions regarding your household and your children’s future. This exercise is critical in being a role model and mentor for your children as well as being a contributing citizen.

Read. Ask questions. And ask even more questions. Scrutinize. Filter. Then read more, ask more. Come to your own conclusions. And by all means, VOTE!

And if you disagree with someone you love, it’s Okay. You don’t have to share your opinions with anyone. However, if your relationship is based on respect, it will be a situation where you “agree to disagree.”

Start reading and asking questions. It matters.